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Continuing with our deep dive on how we can teach kids to care, I'd like to stress how I disdain how everybody wins a ribbon these days. We have handouts around every corner and excuses and lowered expectations are the norm. I recently heard from an administrator, "These are our kids, Nellie," as if I had to be okay with mediocrity. I disagree and think that we need to instill a competitive nature, one in which our youth will be driven to success and kindness. Where kids strive to be the best version of themselves, not just make excuses because of their circumstances. So no, everyone doesn't need a ribbon. They need to earn it and experience the thrill of the drive in doing so.
So let's continue exploring ways to help kids be compassionate shall we?
Practice self-reflection: When we ask ourselves questions like: Am I living my true self? or Am I achieving the goals that I've set for myself? or When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone? or What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget? we are challenging ourselves to grow as an individual. These are questions that many kids, even adults, don't think about often or at all. Practicing self-reflection brings awareness to choices we make and grounds us to making more of the decisions that we want to make. Click on the picture below to grab your free self-reflection checklist for students to start thinking about these deep questions.
Talk face to face to solve problems and create solutions: Kids are tenuous to actually speak face to face with their peers when they have a problem. Pushing them out of their comfort zone and walking them through how to work through an issue is a life lesson many of our kids are not getting support with at home. They need to be taught how to communicate when it is difficult, taking time to hear both sides and understanding where each person is coming from.
Let kids see the real you: Every year our high school orchestra, band and choir carol in the hall the week before Christmas. Teaching at an impoverished community, knowing that many of my students really won't have a Christmas gets me really emotional. During this caroling, the students spill out of classrooms and into the hall to watch the musicians with delight. My eyes literally fill up with tears. On another occasion I was meeting with a student one on one, and he started to tell me all about his experience being homeless a few years earlier. I was crying so hard through the conversation as he spoke nonchalantly of his resilience. Some might think I am weak, but I feel that it's important to be my authentic self in front of my class. When they see me vulnerable (crying or speaking of my own childhood poverty) they know I'm not fake. They know I really care about them.
Love your kids and let them know you do: I genuinely do love my students and I tell them this all the time. When they leave school on the way out or when I see someone's made a really bad choice, I let them know I care so much about their future and want them to succeed because I love them.
It's not about the award, the reward is in serving and achieving: that feel-good emotion swelling up inside knowing you made a difference to someone or challenged yourself and succeeded. As I mentioned before, the experience of hard work and being motivated can act as a driving force behind wanting more of that. Or kindness and feeling good about it can be an absolute catalyst for more of the same actions. Success leads to more success. Failure leads to more failure, so getting kids to experience success is so important.
Use community circles to solve problems together: During a lot of classes I start with everyone sitting in a circle to set the tone for the class, day or week. I love to have kids start with an easy question, like "Are you a morning person or a night person?" and then move into an intention to get the circle started in a positive way. "What is your intention for today's class?" I use a talking piece in which the person talking holds and the rule is that only the person holding the piece can speak. We then go into deeper discussions like problem solving. Talking circles give students an opportunity for their voice to be heard, but also to solve difficult issues a class may be experiencing. It provides an open line of communication where kids can hear honest feedback from their peers as well.
There are so many ways to help kids become caring individuals. While it seems there is sometimes more emphasis placed on the school compared to the family structure to ensure our children our kind, there are still many ways to achieve success and build caring kids. This of course works best when the adults are modeling kindness as well, ensuring a supportive environment for all. What are some ways you have promoted kindness to children? Please post your thoughts in the comment section.
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